Merry age. Marry age. Marriage.

I have heard this since I came close to completing my B.Tech, especially after a couple of my friends did it (stop thinking about *it*). "You've become an engineer, you've secured a job, now it's time to settle down" seemed to be all that the elders in the family could think about. About how 22-23 is the right age for a 'girl' to get married (what? old enough to be married, not old enough to graduate from girl to woman?).. and how only then I can have my first child by the time I'm 24. Otherwise, it would all be late. Just too late.

Guys are 'marriage ready' when they are, oh, anywhere between 26 (for the most conservative) to 35 (the other extreme). But I know few 26 year old men (boys is it?) who promptly get married these days (apart from maybe the chamathu iyer payyan). Now, this disparity doesn't bother me. But having a 30 year old man marry a 21 year old girl, does. In this age, that's not age difference, that's generation gap!

I have been fairly successful in warding off these advances (is that the right word?) by parents/family/older friends and even our vaadhyaar mama (priest), and thankfully they let me accept the grad school offer (guess that makes me more marketable).And I have had a few friends who have managed to not succumb!

But recently, I heard of people who weren't able to. Plans for their marriage are on. The people (mostly 'girls') don't feel they are ready for marriage. But apparently, the girl can't stand her ground, because, well, it's her duty to get married at the right age, duty to oblige her parents, its for her own good etc etc etc.

Consider the case of my friend Bad Pith (he requested this alias.. well, not exactly this, but hey, I'm the author!) and his fiance.. They had been together for a while, but there was pressure from the girl's family to formalize their relationship. His fiance was interested too, and he was ok with it and everyone's happy. Pretty picture innit?
What about guy #2? Deadwood Not-on (again, I'm the boss!)- his lurve was in a different city with her parents, and under pressure to get married. Soon Mr.Dead here received an ultimatum from the girl- marry her the very next day, or she will have to give in to her parents' wishes. Mr.Not-on is now (in his own words) "happily single".
I also have friends who chose their life partners, but were still under pressure from parents to "atleast get engaged".

This had me thinking, why are many youngsters facing this exact situation (Point to note: the "pressure" is mostly from the girl's family)? Mind, I do have a lot of friends my age who are happily married and 'settled'. Infact, I have a friend who was married at the age of 18, and now is a proud mother of 3. She is now 22. And although she wasn't excited about receiving a groom as her 18th birthday "present", she married him because it was her duty.

I have nothing against marriage per se, I find it hard to believe that it is my 'duty'. Seeing as marriage is something important and crucial to life in general and personal life in particular, shouldn't we do it when we feel ready? Say this, and a lot of people give me the same reply "you do not KNOW that you are ready, but you are". It's surprising how everyone else knows how ready I am to make a commitment for life when I myself do not. Granted that they all have their experience to speak from, but their experience come from about 30 years ago. So does their logic/reasoning/argument apply to today? This view of mine becomes more pronounced when you juxtapose it against the culture in many other places. Where 22 is too young to be married. It's the time you focus on yourself. Get your career in place. Find yourself. Know what you want from your life, yourself and the person you would want to be spending the rest of it with.

And to all those who are ready to spam me about this, try this for size: Once upon a time, we had 12 year olds being married, then it became 15, then 18, then 22.. Isn't it time we raised it up a notch again?

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